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Someone
once observed that you learn more by the questions you ask than by the
answers you give. Call it Socratic learning, if you will, but I find that
asking questions of myself helps keep me on track. Here are ten I ask
regularly.
1.
What am I resisting?
The seeds
of growth lie in your resistance to what is new, unfamiliar, or unpleasant.
All too often, the very things we resist most are the things that force us
to grow the most. So, be attentive to those subtle gut-tightening signals
that hint of an opportunity for learning.
2.
What is the lesson here?
There's a
second step that is needed to reinforce the insight gained by asking the
first question. In order to really benefit, we have to actually seek out the
lesson, demonstrate that we really want to hear, and be willing to follow
the often-subtle guidance that comes.
3.
Have I been here before?
Often our
most pressing issues are thinly disguised versions of problems we've failed
to solve in the past. Different names and faces maybe, but the same
underneath, destined not to go away until we meet and resolve them once and
for all. If your answer to this question is, yes, then maybe it's time to
get to the bottom of the issue and solve it!
4. Am
I losing energy to this?
We pay a
price for every negative thought we entertain, and it's measured in
decreased energy, heightened depression, reduced immune function, and
sometimes serious illness. Although you may believe otherwise, we have to
reach the place where anger, frustration, worry, and criticism have no place
in our experience. Until we do, we are losing energy, diluting our focus,
and rendering ourselves vulnerable.
5. Am
I holding on to something I need to let go of?
One of the
most difficult tasks of this life consists in letting go-of being stuck on
certain outcomes, of ego, of our need to be right, and ultimately, of this
life. You cannot fly unless you are willing to relinquish your firm footing
on earth; flying requires that sort of faith, and commitment. The surprising
thing is that, when we really let go, we begin to grow.
6. Am
I in the present?
Every
moment you spend regretting the past or worrying about the future is a
moment of the present, lost. Yes, we need to resolve the past, wind up our
unfinished business, and be attentive to trends that portend of future
events, but we can take action only in the present. So, that's where your
full attention needs to be, and staying in the present is a full time job.
7.
What do I need to do now?
To act or
not to act, that is the question. Whether tis nobler in the mind to take
action against a sea of troubles and so by doing prolong them, or to suffer
the slings and arrows of outrageous inaction and so gain clarity.
(Shakespeare would sue for what I've done to Hamlet's timeless prose) Put
the question differently: is there a NEED for action now? Often, we act
because we're afraid that, if we don't, things will get worse. The truth is
that deliberate inaction is action, and it is often a way to allow a cloudy
situation to become clear.
8.
WHO'S in control here?
True or
false? It's important to be in control of your life. Control can be a big
issue for some people, especially if they feel they don't have it. So,
granted, it's perfectly reasonable to want to feel in control. Letting go of
the past, staying in the present, and taking action (including no action)
are all ways to develop a sense that you are in control. But, let me suggest
that there is a step beyond control. It is to recognize that, ultimately,
you are NOT in control - you are always subject to a higher authority.
Paradoxically, this recognition and your acknowledgement of it can free you
from the need to always be IN control.
9.
What is my responsibility here?
Have you
noticed how some people have a need to involve others in their problems? If
it's your boss, your significant other, or your child, it's normal to
conclude that your have to do something. But, that something doesn't mean
becoming part of the problem! Your responsibility, in this case, is to
maintain a level of detachment that will enable you to see the situation
clearly, and this clarity pertains not only to the solution, but to the
extent that you should be involved in the problem in the first place.
10.
Am I at peace with this?
Do you know
when you're at peace with something? Chances are it's when you can look at
an issue, person, or problem and feel no charge, no subtle or sudden surge
of emotion. But peace is something more. It's about balance, an inner
certainty that you are untouched by it, him, or her. The peace-check is a
key element in gaining closure, in ascertaining that the situation is fully
resolved.
Shale
Paul is the author of the above Top Ten List – Thank you Shale for your
insights.
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